By Dr Amelia Haines – Therapist | Sexual Health & Relationship Counsellor
As a therapist working in the space of sexual health and relationship counselling, I try to stay in tune with changing community attitudes—especially those shaped by the media we consume. From streaming dramas to news commentary and stage performances, media plays a powerful role in shaping how we think and feel about intimacy.
That’s why I often tune into what’s trending with younger generations. Currently, I’m finishing Ginny and Georgia, a popular drama that follows the complex dynamic between a young mother and her teenage daughter. The show explores themes of identity, mental health, and importantly—romantic and sexual relationships.
But a recent scene left me frustrated.
A teenage character casually claimed they had “not had sex yet,” despite the show having already depicted explicit oral sex involving that same character.
This disconnect is deeply telling. Decades after the Bill Clinton scandal, it seems we’re still stuck on the question: What counts as sex?
Defining Sex in Therapy and Real Life
Many people—even today—separate oral sex from what they consider “real sex.” But would most partners shrug it off if their significant other was sexually involved with someone else in this way? Unlikely. And in a world where many LGBTQ+ relationships don’t include penetrative sex, it’s essential we broaden the way we think and talk about intimacy.
In my practice as a sex therapist, I often help individuals and couples explore their own definitions of intimacy, trust, and sexual connection. It’s clear that these ideas are still full of confusion and cultural double standards.
As the brilliant Australian sex therapist Dr Rosie King has long emphasised, there’s intercourse—and there’s outercourse. Both are vital for maintaining a healthy, happy, and long-term union.
Sexual Health Education Needs to Evolve
If we’re to build better understanding in relationships, sexual health education must reflect real experiences. We need to speak openly about all forms of sexual activity, not just those that involve penetration.
Whether you’re navigating sex in a long-term relationship, questioning fidelity, or exploring sexual identity, it’s time we acknowledged that intimacy comes in many forms—and all of them matter.
Let’s continue the conversation.