The short answer: if someone tells you they’re not OK, you don’t need to fix anything. Stay curious, ask what’s going on, and listen properly. Ask what they’re thinking of doing next. If you’re worried about their safety, ask them directly whether they’re thinking of hurting themselves — asking does not put the idea in their head. Then follow up a few days later. That’s the whole job.
R U OK? Day 2026 falls on Thursday 10 September. It’s a national suicide prevention initiative built around four steps: ask, listen, encourage action, and check in.
Do You Ask, “Are You OK?”
It’s a pretty natty little acronym, RUOK?, and RUOK? Day is a sensational initiative. It encourages something that sounds simple but can actually take a fair bit of courage: checking in with someone and asking how they’re really going.
But there’s a question lurking behind the question.
What do we do if they say, “No”?
Why Is It So Hard to Ask “Are You OK?”
Because that’s the bit that can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.
Most of us are perfectly capable of asking, “Are you OK?” when we’re reasonably confident the answer will be, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
But if someone looks at us and says, “Actually, no. I’m not,” it can be an internal horror movie.
Oh dear. What now? What do I say? What am I supposed to do? Can I fix this?
And perhaps that is one of the reasons people sometimes hesitate to ask the question in the first place. We worry that by opening the door, we are somehow responsible for whatever comes through it, and that we will need to ‘fix’ it all.
What Does ALEC Stand For?
ALEC is the four-step framework R U OK? developed to help people navigate exactly this kind of conversation. It stands for Ask, Listen, Encourage action, and Check in.
- A Ask Pick a decent time and place, and ask how they’re really going. If they’re not ready to talk, don’t push — suggest another time.
- L Listen Resist the urge to solve. Listen to understand rather than to reply, and let there be silences. More on listening →
- E Encourage action Ask what they’re thinking of doing next, and help them find support if they want it. More on encouraging action →
- C Check in Follow up a few days later — sooner if you’re worried. More on checking in →
The first step is the one everybody talks about. The rest of this piece is about the other three.
What Do You Say When Someone Says They’re Not OK?
The good news is that there are some very simple things we can do when the answer is no.
The first is: don’t rush to make suggestions.
Stay curious.
Ask, “What’s happening?”
Ask, “What’s going on?”
And then listen.
Really listen. Ask another question. Nod. Pay attention. Give the person the rare gift of having somebody genuinely interested in what they are saying.
You don’t need to produce an answer.
In fact, people are remarkably good at solving their own problems when they have someone alongside them who is prepared to listen.
You can also ask what they are thinking of doing next. What’s their plan? What are they thinking their next step might be?
Is It OK to Ask Someone Directly About Suicide?
Yes. It’s one of the most useful things you can do.
And if you are concerned about their safety, you can ask directly whether they are thinking about hurting themselves.
Asking that question does not put the idea into someone’s head or make them more likely to attempt suicide. It can, in fact, open up an important conversation that might otherwise never happen.
And there’s another useful thing about conversation: suddenly there is more than one mind on the problem.
Whatever the problem is, it may look slightly different when there are two people thinking about it.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 000.
For support at any hour, anywhere in Australia:
Lifeline — 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service — 1300 659 467
Beyond Blue — 1300 22 4636
13YARN (Aboriginal & Torres Strait Islander crisis support) — 13 92 76
Kids Helpline (ages 5–25) — 1800 55 1800
What Does Helping Someone Actually Look Like?
The other reassuring thing is that you are very, very unlikely to need to scale a building, abseil down the side and perform a dramatic rescue.
Most of the time, helping someone will look much more ordinary.
It might mean making a phone call.
Or helping them find the right service.
Or making the call with them.
Or walking through the door of a support group with them because, frankly, walking into a room full of strangers when you’re already having a terrible time is not exactly anyone’s idea of a fun Tuesday.
There are services, community organisations, health teams, churches and support groups that can help. Sometimes the person who needs help just needs someone to sit beside them while they take that first step.
If the next sensible step is talking to someone, I offer telehealth appointments across Australia and in-person consultations in Sydney.
Why Does Following Up Matter So Much?
And then there is the bit that often matters most: follow-up.
Call again next week.
Not because you are now officially their therapist, life coach or emergency response unit.
Just because you are their friend.
A genuine, “How are you going?” a few days later can mean a great deal.
Be a Supporter, Not a Solver
Perhaps this is the important distinction we need to make around RUOK?
We don’t have to be solvers.
We can be supporters.
We don’t need to have the perfect words, the perfect advice or a five-point plan for someone else’s life.
We can ask.
We can listen.
We can stay curious.
We can help someone take the next sensible step.
And, when necessary, we can bring other people into the conversation.
So yes, ask the question.
Are you OK?
But perhaps be prepared for the possibility that the answer might be no.
Because that’s not where the conversation has gone wrong.
That’s where the conversation might actually begin.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does ALEC stand for?
ALEC stands for Ask, Listen, Encourage action, and Check in. It’s the four-step conversation framework developed by R U OK? to help people support someone who might be struggling. You don’t need any qualifications to use it.
When is R U OK? Day 2026?
R U OK? Day 2026 is Thursday 10 September. It’s held on the second Thursday of September each year, though the campaign’s own message is that any day is a good day to ask.
What do I say if someone says they’re not OK?
Don’t rush to make suggestions. Ask what’s happening, ask what’s going on, and then listen properly. Ask another question. You can also ask what they’re thinking of doing next. You don’t need to produce an answer — people are often good at solving their own problems when someone is genuinely listening.
Is it safe to ask someone if they’re thinking about suicide?
Yes. Asking does not put the idea into someone’s head or make them more likely to attempt suicide. It can open up an important conversation that might otherwise never happen. If you’re concerned about someone’s immediate safety, call 000. For support at any hour, Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
What if I’m not qualified to help?
You don’t need to be. Helping usually looks ordinary — making a phone call, helping someone find the right service, making the call with them, or walking into a support group alongside them. You’re a supporter, not a solver.
How do I follow up after an R U OK? conversation?
Call again next week. A genuine “how are you going?” a few days later can mean a great deal — not because you’ve become their therapist, but because you’re their friend. This is the “check in” step of ALEC, and it’s often the one that matters most.
Can I see a therapist via telehealth in Australia?
Yes. Many mental health practitioners, including doctors who work in this area, offer telehealth consultations Australia-wide. This can make it easier to access support privately and from home. I offer telehealth appointments for people across Australia — you can book directly through my website.
Ready to talk?
I offer in-person consultations in Sydney and telehealth appointments for people across Australia. Whether you’ve had the conversation and aren’t sure where it goes next, or you’re the one who isn’t OK — I’m here to help.
